


Bath Time

by Katiebug445



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Fluff, M/M, Modern AU, Negative Self Talk, Panic Attacks, jean has anxiety, my poor horse suffers and needs hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-23 06:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17678234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiebug445/pseuds/Katiebug445
Summary: Jean has been dealing with anxiety nearly his whole life, but it finally comes to a head and gets to the point his friends are concerned. After a particularly bad panic attack, Armin decides to suggest some things to help. Jean works his way through the list and finds nothing helps. When he gets to the last item on the list and finds it to be as unhelpful as everything else, Jean decides to call his friend in hopes of calming down.





	1. Chapter 1

Jean felt incredibly stupid.

 

He sat in his bathtub, warm water up to his chest and the room dead quiet save for the occasional splash when he moved. He felt like the world’s biggest idiot. He’d been getting more and more stressed out the closer graduation got, and it finally came to a head when he had a meltdown in the middle of his English Lit class. Since then, his mental health had been on a steady decline, to the point he didn’t have it in him to snap back at Eren anymore.

 

That had been the biggest red flag to their group.

 

Marco had been trying to get him to open up about his problems, Connie and Sasha had told his mom to keep an eye on him, and Armin… out of all of them, Jean was the least irritated with him. Armin never bugged him to talk, he never ran and told anyone what was being said, he usually just tracked Jean down at lunch, or on the way home, and talked with him. About anything and everything. Jean quickly found out that Armin could be quite a chatterbox when he wanted, and it was nice.

 

Armin didn’t treat him like a timebomb ready to go off. Yes, he did occasionally ask how he was, and occasionally suggested things to help with his anxiety, but didn’t push it. Jean really appreciated that.

 

Not even when Jean had his biggest anxiety attack to date.

 

They’d been at Armin’s house, enjoying the spring sun, and taking turns reading a crappy novel Jean had gotten from the library. He sat there on Armin’s small front porch, happily listening to the blond read, when a stupid, trivial thought hit him: _you don’t sound nearly as good reading as he does._ Jean blinked, trying to figure out where that came from, when another one hit. _Armin sounds bored when it comes to you._ Jean shifted his position a little, trying to pay attention to what Armin was saying, and swallowed. _You flubbed a line last time. Don’t you know how to read out loud?_ He swallowed again, shifting again, and beginning to feel the pinpricks of panic creep up the base of his skull.

 

_Armin thinks you’re stupid._

 

That was all it took. His hands started shaking, and his chest began to constrict. The world was beginning to tilt, and his head felt like it was being shoved through a bottleneck. “A-Armin?” He stuttered, looking at the other boy desperately, “Can - Can we s-stop for a bit?”

 

The blond looked up, immediately seeing something wasn’t right with his friend, and shut the book before scooting over to him. “Hey, hey, Jean, look at me. Look at me.” Gently, he took the taller boy’s hand in his, hoping to shock him enough so he’d meet his eyes, and squeezed it when he felt how bad it was shaking. “Jean…” Finally, the hazel-eyed boy met his gaze, and Armin held it, sitting up to his full height, and said calmly, “Breathe with me, okay?”

“I - I don’t… I can’t…. I - Help.”

 

“I’m trying.” He said calmly. Armin tried to get the taller boy to breathe with him, but Jean was too far lost in his panic to focus on it. Instead, Armin scooted up flush against his friend, putting his arm around Jean’s shoulders and holding him tightly as he could. Jean’s entire body shook violently, and Armin just held him tighter until, very slowly, he began to calm down again.

 

Once he was thinking somewhat rationally, he put his head in his hands, his cheeks scarlet, and began apologizing. “God, I’m so sorry.” he kept saying. “I’m sorry, man.”

 

“Ssh,” Armin soothed, “It’s alright.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.” Armin smiled at him and stayed by his side for another few moments before getting an idea. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere!” He got to his feet and sprinted inside, leaving Jean sitting on his porch alone. He was back in minutes, a notebook and pencil in his hand, and reclaimed the spot right beside his friend again.

 

“What are you doing?” Jean asked, eyes on the paper.

 

Armin didn’t say anything for a few minutes, just furiously began scrawling something down, and then ripped it out and handed it to Jean. “If you ever start feeling anxious at home or something, this is some stuff I do to help calm down.”

 

“You have anxiety?”

 

Armin shot him a sad smile and nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear. “Since I was little. But those _should_ help. If they don’t, you can text or call, I’ll see what i can do.”

 

Jean clutched the paper a little tighter in his hand and thanked the other boy for it. After Armin was sure he was okay, they went back to reading for a little while, before the blond started getting eaten alive by bugs. They said their goodbyes, and Jean walked home.

  


So far, no dice.

 

He’d worked his way down the list, feeling awkward and self-conscious with all of it. He knew he was being too self aware for anything to have an effect, but he couldn’t help it. Meditation, breathing exercises, counting, nothing helped. All it did was make him feel weird, which made him aware that nothing was working, which made his anxiety spike even higher, and then the cycle continued.

 

No matter how bad it got, though, he couldn’t actually bring himself to call Armin for help. He was too embarrassed the first and last time it happened, he couldn’t handle putting the blond through it again.

 

A bath had been the last thing on Armin’s surprisingly long list. And yet, it was the most awkward of all of them.

 

Jean had no clue what to do with himself in there. He had maybe taken a total of three baths in his entire life, and that was when he was young and rubber ducks were his favorite thing. Maybe that’s what he needed, a rubber duck, or a boat, or something to occupy his mind a little. Yeah, right. His phone was charging on the sink, and he thought to himself that maybe if he grabbed it and scrolled around online for a little bit, it might help, but Armin had specifically told him to leave it alone.

 

Fuck.

 

Feeling dumb, Jean let the water drain and stepped out onto the floor, figuring that he’d have better luck laying down in the road and getting hit than getting a handle on this crap.

  


After dressing, he text the blond to tell him the news.

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _Hey, Armin, nothing on your list worked._

 

 _Armin Arlert_ __  
_You tried everything?_   
Yes, I’m sure it works, they’re all techniques I’ve used myself in the past. I’m sorry nothing helped. 

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ __  
_I just finished with the bath thing. How do you stand that? I’ve never felt so awkward in my life._   
Don’t be sorry. 

 

Jean watched the three dots appear and disappear and appear again while Armin typed, but nothing ever came from it. Sighing, he spread out on his bed and set his phone by his pillow, drifting off after a little while of waiting for the blond to get back with him.

 

His mother woke him up an hour later.

 

He had a text waiting for him.

 

 _Armin Arlert_ __  
_What did you do?_   
This will sound weird, but you can’t really just sit there or else you /will/ feel really weird. Maybe try it again, but add bubbles, or an aromatherapy gel, or hell, even a bath bomb. That’s what I usually do. It helps a bit. 

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _Aren’t those things usually for girls?_

 

 _Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _Only if you think they are. Believe it or not, they’re kinda fun._

 

Jean wasn’t sure if that were true or not, but he wanted to believe the other boy was onto something with all of this. Armin was smart, and he had taken the time to write out that insane list for him on a whim. The least he could do was try again, right? 

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _Do you have an extra bath bomb or something?_

  
  


So, there he was again, a week later.

 

Armin did not in fact have an extra bath bomb, in fact, he’d used his last one over a month ago. He did, however, have a bottle of lavender scented bubble bath that he promised would do _something_ for anxiety. Jean decided to go for it.

 

With a shaking hand, he turned on the faucet and began filling the tub with the weird smelling soap, and eased himself into the water. He kept his phone on the toilet this time, though, just in case he needed it, and sat there staring at the wall.

 

 _This is stupid._ He thought to himself. _This isn’t going to work and you know that. All you’re doing is wasting time in here._ “Shut up.” he muttered to himself. _Oh cool, now you’re talking to yourself. You panic over nothing and you talk to yourself. Mom’s going to throw you in the hospital for this crap._ “Fuck.”

 

His hands began to shake and the room began tilting again, and Jean knew he was about ready to have a panic attack. “Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.” he muttered, slinging water off of his hand while reaching for his phone. He hated doing this, he hated to bug Armin, but he didn’t know what else to do. It was the only thing he hadn’t done yet.

 

 _He’s not gonna answer. You know he didn’t mean it when he said to call him. He was just being nice. He didn’t mean it, so don’t bother. He can’t stand you._ Jean made himself take a breath while he unlocked his phone, continuing his steady stream of “Fuckfuckfuck,” Luckily, Armin’s name was the first in his texts, and he tapped it open, quickly typing out a message.

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _Are you able to ft?_

 

Five agonizingly long seconds ticked by before the blond answered.

 

 _Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _Ft?_

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _Facetime. Sorry._

 

 _Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _Um, yeah, but I don’t know how to._

 

 _Jean Kirstien_ _  
_ _Hang on._

Jean tapped the button, hating that he could visibly see his whole arm shaking as he held his phone out, and part of him wished Armin wouldn’t answer. He began telling himself that this was a terrible idea, and almost hung up when the call was accepted. He could see the anxiety in his own eyes, and felt incredibly dumb for calling Armin right now. Suddenly, there was the blond, sitting out in his backyard.

“Hey,” Armin greeted, giving him a small wave. He was quiet for a second, eyes scanning over Jean’s face, and frowned. “Jean, are you alright?”

Jean let out a single, breathy sigh and replied, “N-No.” He replied.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m - I’m panicking. Bad.”

Armin was quiet for a few seconds, no sound but the water sloshing around him to break up the silence. “Where _are_ you right now?”

“Bath?” He said nervously, suddenly realizing how weird this had to be for Armin. _You fucking idiot pervert._ He thought to himself. “I - I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called--”

“Jean, it’s okay! What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. I’m talkin’ to myself and I feel crazy, and my mom’s gonna drop me at the hospital if she hears it, and this is so _stupid._ I shouldn’t have called you.”

“Hey.” Armin said, shifting his position a little. “Listen to me. You’re not crazy for talking to yourself when you’re panicking. That’s actually pretty normal to do when you’re trying to calm down. I’d be lying if I said I never did it. Am I crazy?”

“No, but--”

“Then neither are you.” the blond interrupted. “Your mom isn’t going to put you in the hospital, Jean. I promise. And yes, you should have called me, because I _told_ you to if you needed it.”

Jean could feel heat rising up his neck, suddenly embarrassed with himself for doubting Armin’s friendship. “I probably sound so dumb right now.”

“You really don’t.” the other boy said. “You should hear some of the things I say mid-panic. Compared to that, you’re perfectly rational.” And there it was: that smile that made Jean’s face burst into flame. “Do you want to talk about it?”

No, he really didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to ask Armin if he thought he was stupid, or if he secretly hated him, or if he was totally disgusted by the idea of going out with a boy with anxiety, or a thousand other questions. He really, really didn’t want to. So, he just shook his head. “No, I - I know I’m being stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.”

Jean didn’t know how to respond to that, so instead, he asked, “What are you doing right now?”

Armin turned towards the sunlight for a second, and off screen, Jean could hear something close shut. “Well, I was trying to read a book outside, since it was so nice today, but I kept trying to fall asleep. I was actually nodding off when you text me.”

“I’m sorry, we don’t have to--”

“No!” the blond replied. “No, I need to stay awake anyways. And you need a friend.”

“I need a lot of things. What book were you reading?”

“It… Just a book on marine life. Nothing special.” The blond shrugged. “My grandpa got it for me.”

Again, he didn’t know how to reply to that, so he just nodded. “You’ll, uh... Can I see it the next time I come over?”

Armin’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion at that, and he glanced at the cover of his book before answering. “You don’t have to humor me, Jean.”

“I’m not.” he said honestly. “I think… it’s kinda cool. You’re kinda cool.”

If he caught Armin’s blush, he didn’t say as much. The smaller boy shot him a quick smile, and cleared his throat. “This isn’t about me right now, though. This is about you. How’s the bath going?”

“How do you think?”

“Well, I think you’re doing a bit better than before, so I think it’s doing something.”

_That’s you._ Jean thought to himself. “Maybe. I can't stop thinking. I feel dumb.”

“Isn’t thinking too much supposed to be my job?”

Jean didn’t know what to say to him, so he just shrugged. He shifted his position just a little to get circulation back in his arm, and a bit more of his body and a lot less of the bubbles were visible in the camera. Jean didn’t think too much about it until he caught sight of himself and flipped his phone up, causing it slip out of his hand and clatter onto the floor. “FUCK!” he yelled, lifting himself half out of the tub to reach for it.

“Jean? Is everything okay?” Armin’s voice came out of the speaker.

“Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine. Just... It’s fine.” He reached for it, and just managed to get his finger on the very edge of it. He pulled the phone closer to him and grabbed it, his face scarlet as his head came back into view. “Sorry, I…”

“I didn’t see anything, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“You noticed.” he replied, his blush deepening.

“I really _didn’t_ see anything. I looked away.” Armin lied.

Jean could have kissed him for trying to preserve a bit of his own dignity. “I… Next time I’ll leave my camera off.”

“You have plans about future Facetime calls from your bathtub?” the blond asked jokingly.

“No - I - no, i didn’t mean that. I - I -”

“I’m kidding!” Armin laughed. “But if you _do,_ maybe consider more bubbles.”

“I’m so sorry.” Jean moaned, scrubbing his free hand across his face.

“Don’t be. Give me a head’s up next time, and maybe I’ll do it, too, in solidarity.”

That really shut Jean up for a moment, and he cleared his throat, trying to force his eyebrows to go back to their normal position, but it was hopeless. He couldn’t shake the mental image of Armin, sitting in his own bath, calling him from his, from his mind, and all of the implications that came from it. “I, uh, okay.”

“Okay.”

The two spoke for a few more moments, but Armin had to go back in to check on his grandpa, and Jean was left sitting there alone with the blond’s words still going through his head. He didn’t know how to process it, and wasn’t entirely sure he could go through with it in the end. Armin never failed to surprise him, that was for sure. No matter what was going on, the blond always managed to say or do something that left him floored, and made him like him that much more.

After the water began to cool down, Jean unplugged the tub and stayed in for a moment, watching the water drain out, before finally stepping out and toweling off. He couldn’t help but think that, with Armin’s help, maybe he could get a handle on this anxiety thing after all.

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with a sequel, thanks to the suggestions of [Tea_Is_Not_Leaf_juice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tea_is_not_leaf_juice/pseuds/Tea_is_not_leaf_juice) and [Blindewok](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindewok)  
> I'm gonna put a warning on this and say this chapter could be a liiiittle more triggering than the last one, so read with caution!  
> Thank you all for the support, and I hope you enjoy Jean being a dumb horse, and Armin having fun with it!!!

_“Give me a head’s up next time, and maybe I’ll do it, too, in solidarity.”_ That’s what Armin had said to him. As far as he could tell, the blond meant it, too. _“I’ll do it, too.”_ Jean hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since that day, though neither of them had mentioned it again after they hung up.

 

Armin had come over the next day, and they hung out for almost the entire afternoon. Jean had an apology on the tip of his tongue all day, but couldn’t bring himself to actually _say_ it; as embarrassed as he was over what happened, he was even _more_ embarrassed by the idea of bringing it all up again so soon after it happened. So, even though he desperately felt the need to say something, he kept his mouth shut and tried to continue on as normal.

 

After the incident with the bathtub, his anxiety ebbed away for the next few weeks. Jean had nearly convinced himself that what happened was just a fluke, and things weren’t really as bad as he made them out to be. Maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with him after all, and he was just being dramatic.

 

Yeah, that’s what it was. He was doing it all for attention.

 

Wait, _what?_

 

 _There’s nothing wrong with you,_ a thought popped up. _There never has been. All your problem is, is that you want attention and you don’t care where it comes from. You can’t handle not being the center of things all the time._ Oh. Oh, that made sense. Jean felt his heart sink a little and the okay mood that he’d found himself in that morning finally dissipated, and he was left feeling upset and heavy with the weight of this new revelation. _All you want is Armin’s attention. It’s pathetic that you have to go this far to get it. He doesn’t like you, he just feels sorry for you._ Jean closed his eyes and let out a long breath, trying to stave off the impending panic. _You’re pathetic._

 

Of course he was, he thought. Everything he’d done in the last six months was pathetic. He’d done nothing but put burden after burden on all of his friends’ shoulders, make them worry about him, make his _mother_ worry about him, and for what? Attention? He couldn’t believe himself.

 

Jean could only imagine how dumb he looked in front of Armin that day on the other boy’s porch. He must have been able to see right through him. Jean could feel his legs shaking a little when he walked, but he tried not to pay too much mind to it. He didn’t want to give into the impulse anymore if he could help it. He didn’t want to seem pathetic anymore.

 

For the rest of the semester, he put on the best face he could to his friends, convincing them that he was fine, and that what happened had just been a fluke and nothing more.

 

He wasn’t sure if anybody actually bought it, but he was sticking to his story no matter what happened.

  


At the very end of the semester is when everything fell to shit again. It was late, and Jean was laying in his bed, reading a book, when the familiar prickling at the base of his skull started up again. He tried to ignore it, trying to put more focus onto his reading, until his hands began to shake and his breathing became a bit more labored. He set his book down and pulled his phone out of his pocket, fingers shaking while he unlocked it. He didn’t know what to do, so be began opening and closing apps, trying to distract his mind before he went into a full blown panic attack.

 

 _Why is this happening again?_ He wondered. _I thought I was over this._ When it became apparent that wasn’t gonna work, he forced himself to breathe like Armin had tried getting him to do all those months ago. Jean inhaled as deeply as he could, trying to focus his mind on how big of a breath he took, and counted to five. Then he exhaled. It took a few times, but he did notice a bit of a difference in how bad he shook. _He was right._

 

When he felt a bit calmer, Jean laid back in his bed, trying to figure out what triggered his sudden panic. He couldn’t think of anything in particular, just that he was reading, and then there it was, crashing over him like a wave. It unnerved him a lot to think there wasn’t any particular reason for it, that it just _happened._ How was that even possible to panic over _nothing_ like this?

  


He still felt off when he woke up the next morning. It was a Saturday, and he had the house to himself for awhile, so why not? He text Armin when he got out of bed, just as a good morning for the blond to reply to whenever he woke up. Jean made himself some breakfast and did a few small things around the kitchen while he waited for the other boy to get back to him. An hour later, Armin did.

 

 _Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _Morning! You’re up a bit early for you today._

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _Yeah, I had a little trouble getting to sleep last night. Still didn’t feel right this morning._   


_Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _What happened?_

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _Panic attack, I guess._

 

 _Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _Jean, I’m so sorry. Are you okay now?_

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _I still feel off, but I’m better than I was last night. I’m considering a bath soon…_

 

 _Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _It might do you good to relax a little!_

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _Yeah, that’s what I was thinking._

 

It seemed like Armin forgot about what he said the last time, and Jean didn’t exactly want to be the one to remind him about it. His face was scarlet as he began typing out the message, and erased it three times before finally giving up completely and just sitting at the table with his head in his hands. _You’re a fucking pervert._ He thought to himself. And he was. How could he actually expect Armin to drop everything he had planned today to hang out with him on a Facetime call because he was anxious, but also expect him to do _this_ with him, too? He was glad Armin couldn’t see him right now, because he could only imagine that he looked like he was about to burst into flame.

 

Three little dots appeared, disappeared, and then appeared again as Armin typed, but Jean couldn’t bring himself to look at the screen. Eventually, he heard the sound of a text coming through, but he just ignored it for the time being. Ten minutes later, another one came through. Then another. And another. Jean gave it a few more minutes so he could wallow in his embarrassment, then finally decided to look at them.

 

 _Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _Give me about twenty minutes and then I’ll be free for the rest of the day, if you still want company. :)_ _  
_ _Oh, God, that sounds really bad now that I think about it. You probably forgot about that by  now, so just forget what I said!!!! Have a good time and I’ll be here if you need anything._ _  
Jean? I’m sorry. Please forget I mentioned that._  
 _Fuck. I’m really sorry._

 

Jean couldn’t help but be a little scandalized for a brief second, because he wasn’t aware that Armin knew that word, but once that wore off, then he had to figure out how to reply without seeming too overly eager.

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _I won’t complain if you’re up for it. If it’s not too weird for you, I mean. Please don’t worry about it if it’s weird. Don’t be sorry, okay?_   
Also, where did you learn that word? 

 

 _Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _It would be weird, but maybe not in a bad way? It’s up to you, though._   
Jean, my grandpa is a war vet. Do you honestly think he’s never slipped up and used it on occasion when I was young? 

 

 _Jean Kirstein_ _  
_ _I’ll call you in fifteen?_

 

 _Armin Arlert_ _  
_ _Sounds good!_

 

Fuck! Now he had to go through with it. Jean felt white-hot heat pouring into every inch of his body as he tried to calm himself down, now beginning to panic because of what he was doing. Quickly, he got everything together and rushed it to the bathroom, having to take a second and try to talk himself out of what was happening in between. Maybe he could lie and say his phone wasn’t working when the time came. Yeah, that would work. His phone had problems all the time anyways, what would one lie hurt?

 

So why was he already filling the bath and out of his pants? Why was he taking his shirt off? Wait, why was he in the bathtub?! This wasn’t part of the plan! Jean poured a generous amount of bubble soap into the water this time, trying to make sure that he didn’t have any, er, slip ups this time, and checked the time. He had about a minute left to talk himself out. It wasn’t too late. He could just say that he couldn’t do it, but thanks for the offer, and go on about his day and--

 

The phone rang. Jean stared at it in complete terror as it gently vibrated and got closer to the edge of the toilet lid. _Decision time, asshole!_ He thought to himself, letting out a panicked breath. What could he do? Chances were, Armin was already set up on his end, and cancelling now would just be rude. But it would also be a lot less awkward, too. _Dammit!_ Finally, he slid the call button and accepted it, leaving his phone facing the ceiling for a moment while he got over his shock. Face completely red and heart beating in his ears, Jean just sat frozen in shock, eyes wide and on his phone, it then sinking in what he was doing.

 

“Jean?” Came Armin’s voice from the other end.

“H-Hey, Armin, gimme a sec. I don’t know how to set this up.” Jean gulped, unable to bring himself to look at the screen. There was still a chance Armin hadn’t actually gone through with it, he could be in his room hanging out, and fully clothed, and _not_ naked sitting in a tub. Jean slung water off of his hands and propped his phone up where he could see, and oh, no, there was Armin, bubbles up to his chest, his blond hair pulled back in a small ponytail, and his shoulders bare but shining with water. Oh, _god,_ he was never going to get that image out of his head!

 

“Hi.” Armin grinned, settling against the back of the tub.

 

“Hi…”

 

“You look really red, is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Jean promised, willing himself not to be so flustered. “Everything’s fine. H-How are you?”

 

“I should be asking you that. What happened last night?”

 

With a moment’s hesitation, Jean swallowed, unsure how to even describe it. “I… don’t know. I was reading, and then all the sudden, I was shaking, and I couldn’t breathe, and… It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like that.”

 

Armin nodded, giving him a sympathetic look while he thought of what to say. “What were you thinking about?”

 

“Nothing. I was reading.”

 

“Nothing?”

 

“Nothing, but the words on the page.”

 

Armin said nothing for a moment, and Jean knew he was thinking that over, trying to come up with some kind of solution to the problem. He genuinely wanted to help, and Jean appreciated that. Armin was a pure soul in the way that no matter what, he wanted to do his part to help others. It was because of that, Jean didn’t entirely mind opening up to him. “What’s been on your mind the last few days?”

 

Scratch that, he minded a lot. “Uh… Nothin’ important.”

 

“Talk to me.”

 

Jean swallowed again, feeling a bit of anxiousness creeping up on him again. _He’s gonna hate you for this._ A voice whispered to him. _He’s gonna think you’re dumb._ With another second’s pause, he finally said, “I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. About… dumb stuff. It’s just really dumb.”

 

“Nothing you say is dumb.” Armin promised, a gentle smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

 

 _Damn him._ Jean thought, feeling heat rush to his face again. “I just… I don’t…” Jean squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a sharp breath, and kicked himself for wanting to admit what was going on in his head. He didn’t want to tell Armin what he’d been thinking lately, because it made him feel stupid for thinking it. _You’re pathetic,_ the voice said again. “Armin, what if there’s nothing wrong with me? What if all of this is just…”

 

“Jean,” the blond said calmly, sitting up and getting a little closer to his phone. “I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was ten years old. I have had enough panic attacks in my life to know that what I have is a real thing. And based off of what you’ve described to me, and what I’ve seen you go through, I think it’s very safe to say you have it, too.”

 

“But what if I’m just… I don’t know, doing it for attention?”

 

“You’re not making it up. Jean, I _saw you_ the day at my house. You’d have to be a pretty damn good actor to fake that. And besides, who’s attention would you be after to go to these lengths?”

 

Jean could feel embarrassment wash over him like a flood. Of course he felt better knowing that he’d been validated and that what he was going through was a real thing, but actually admitting his worries to his friend, even one like Armin, was a bit too… personal. Especially the part about attention. And Armin’s follow up to it. He felt like his entire body was on fire as he hesitated, but he knew he had to give his friend an answer, fast. “Yours.”

 

“Jean,” Armin started, reaching out of the tub and grabbing his phone. He held it close to his face, making sure Jean could see him up close and personal, and smiled. “There’s better and easier ways for you to get it than this.”

 

“Like?”

 

“I’ll tell you after you finish talking. There’s more on your mind than that, I can tell.”

 

Fuck. He had him there. Jean propped one arm up on the side of his tub, and shrugged, not knowing what else to say. “It’s all dumb. I tell myself that I’m lying, and that I’m alright. I tell myself that you’re only my friend because you feel sorry for me, or that you think I’m pathetic, I tell myself all kinds of shit like that. And… it sucks. A lot.”

 

Armin shifted a little, the sound of water sloshing gently around him the only thing Jean could hear for a second. “Would I be sitting here on FaceTime with you, in my tub, if I just felt bad for you?”

 

“No?”

 

“You’re damn right, no.” Armin said, trying not to smile. “Like it or not, Jean, you’re one of my _best friends_ and I genuinely care about you and how you’re doing. I want to help you if I can. If you want me to?” He paused for a moment, and the other boy nodded. “Okay. Cool. Then I promise to do what I can to make sure you don’t feel like this anymore.”

 

Jean really, really did not deserve Armin, and he knew it. The other boy was too good for him, and the last thing he wanted was to make things harder for him. On the other hand, though, he knew he could use the blond’s help trying to get a handle on this stuff, and if Armin was willing to help… “Thank you, Armin. Really. You’re… kinda awesome.”

 

“I got that from you.” he replied. “You’re really starting to rub off on me, I think.”

 

Things fell silent for a moment, and Jean took the opportunity to really get a look at the bit of Armin that he could see through the camera. He really liked how the other boy looked with his hair pulled back; it made it a lot easier to see his eyes, and the shape of his jaw, and his soft, slightly pink cheeks. Jean also got the chance to see a bit of his neck, and a wild thought popped into his head about leaving a kiss there. _Oh, fuck._

 

Not to mention, the “rub off” comment. Man, Armin was gonna kill him one of these days. “Uhh, earlier you mentioned something about other ways to get your attention. What did you mean by that?”

 

With a bit of a smirk, Armin stretched his arm out a little, and Jean could hear one of his joints crack - painfully - before he brought it back in. “Well, since it’s a nice day, after we finish up here, you could come over and watch one of the ocean documentaries I’ve been saving? I also have a few things still saved from Shark Week? Or, you could go with me when the new Avengers movie comes out?”

 

“I - I can do all of that.” Jean said, his voice cracking a little. “I’d be down for sharks today, I kinda dig sharks.” he added in a mutter, his cheeks pink.

 

Armin’s eyes lit up at that, and a grin split his face. “Awesome! I’ll get things ready here soon, and then we can--” the phone slipped out of Armin’s hand, and fell right into the water and hit the bottom with a loud _thunk._ Before the call ended, Jean caught a quick glimpse of Armin’s panicked face, and caught the beginnings of a “FU--” before the screen went black and he was cut off.

 

Jean sat there for a moment, staring at the screen, before a startled laugh worked its way out of his mouth, and he decided to get out. He knew a tiny bit about electronics, and he figured Armin might need his help if he had any hope of getting his phone to work again. He dried himself off and got dressed and was about to leave a note for his mom when his phone dinged with the tone he set up for his social media.

 

 _OceanLover113_ _  
_ _My phone fell in the water and I’ve got it trying to dry out now. I’m kinda freaking. Can you come over?_

 

Jean tapped out an affirmative, wrote his note, and locked the door behind him.


End file.
